French Army vs. Washington Generals

First off, have to say I love Bruce Chen as an interview and decent guy. He’s smarter than most baseball players combined and has a sense of humor. But what he has in common with seemingly every other baseball player. When he gets a huge jump in salary, his game stinks.

Watching him tonight put together another bad outing. He’s only gone more than five and a third innings once, and his E.R.A. sits above seven. Wait, that was before tonight’s misery against Texas. As I write this he’s gone three innings, given up six runs, and his E.R.A. has jumped to 8.27.

Aside from trying to figure out who kidnapped the 13 game winner from last season. Chen’s struggles got me thinking. What would happen if he faced the Orioles right now?

The O’s can’t hit a lefty to save their lives. Against southpaws this year (btw, Chen just gave up a 2 run homer to former Mt. St. Joe’s star Mark Teixeira making it 8-0. His E.R.A. soars to 8.80. I’ve never felt more right about writing a story. By the end of this piece he might have pitched his way to Delmarva) Baltimore has just one victory and hits a Bob Uecker like .208 against them.

Now having already discussed Chens failings, and knowing that good pitching beats good hitting, what happens when bad pitching faces bad hitting? I’m sure we’ll find out when Kansas City comes to town on May 12th but seriously, absolute failure (Chen) vs. catastrophic disaster (Orioles vs. lefties). Who would win?

It’s possible that up would be down, cats would love dogs, Barry Bonds would gracefully retire, and Daniel Snyder would finally realize ‘you know what? It’s not all about me.’

I honestly can’t come up with an answer. Cases can be made for both sides. But mostly I think that, barring a rain out, everyone would lose.